


Bittersweet life

by Void (EroEmo)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: AND au, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bittersweet, Childhood Sweethearts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Tumblr Prompt, both pre- and post- serum steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-07-15 07:00:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7212559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EroEmo/pseuds/Void
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three different stucky prompts from tumblr gathered in one place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet life

Bucky had never considered himself a lucky person.

Having good grades was a result of his hard work and nothing more. Average look? Genes’ fault with an addiction of basic self care. Dancing skills? Years spent on practise. Nothing in his life was fate’s fault, so called “miracles” or “accidents” weren’t present in it.

However, there was this one thing which didn’t let him live a life of a casual high-school nerd.

Each Monday, since the very beginning of the school year, someone had been putting small notes into his locker. They varied from simple _good morning! :)_ and _have a nice day!_ to very specific _good luck on your math exam!_ or even notes with coordinates which led to tiny little gifts like muffins or birthday card.

He didn’t know who had been taking such an effort but after first negative and suspicious feelings eased, he actually started to appreciate those. Hell, he even responded to them from time to time by leaving a note before he left school. It seemed to work.

And then, out of blue, he received a bit longer one: _  
I’m sorry for being such a coward, you know. I’m bad at talking with people face to face and that’s why I’ve thought about those tiny notes. I was scared you might consider them a joke but thankfully, you didn’t. Thank you for that, really. Fuck, I can’t even articulate what I want to tell on a paper, what a shame… But, anyway… what I want to say is, well… Don’t you think it would be nice to meet? If you are willing to come, I’ll be waiting in commons by that unmatching window around 4pm._

Bucky was speechless but he had no intention in missing such an opportunity. Speaking the truth, he became attached to that mysterious angel. Seeing them might be a nice experience, right?

He headed for his classes, looking forward to that magical hour, impatiently counting how many lessons were left. God, it was the first time he was so excited since when? Primary school? Maybe.

The bell finally rang and if someone had thought that James Buchanan Barnes was a bad runner then they might have wanted to change their mind. In no time did he turned right, slowed down, took a deep breath and then opened that massive doors, only to see almost empty commons.

Only one person was out there, sitting by the window as they had promised in a note. Bucky’s heart skipped a heartbeat as he realised who was that.

Blue eyes coyly looking at him, slim body visibly tensed, shaky hands playing with a carefully hold sketchbook. God, even his tender smile hadn’t changed _a single bit_ since the last time he had seen him.

“It’s you, it’s always been you” he shook his head, bright smile showing up at his face as he was approaching his childhood friend. His first love

 

* * *

 

Dreams are depiction of your needs and fantasies, everybody knows this simple fact. However they are not always so bright. Sometimes a mind is such a dark and gloomy place that nothing good can show up from beneath heavy memories and demons of the past.

Those dreams are called nightmares and Bucky knows them damn too well.

It’s been almost a year since he started his recovery and almost three months since he and Steve moved in together. Everything seemed to go right and peacefully but the truth is he couldn’t rest. His own memory is constantly teasing him, driving him crazy from sudden panic attacks and anxiety ones.

“Hey, Bucky” Steve says gently, trying to wake him up. “Is everything okay?”

It takes him a few minutes to stop shaking and a few more to bring himself to answer: “I’m fine”

“Are you sure?” he doesn’t give up and digs the topic more. Just like old Stevie, worried about everyone else more than himself. 

Bucky appreciates having him in his life but it’s tiring as well. He has enough painful memories and he really wished he could stop pretending everything is fine with him. He barely sleept at nights, had panic attacks out of nowhere and was constantly hearing screams of people he had killed. It bothers him that Steve, the only happiness in his life, knows him so well because he would do anything to stop it. To stop worrying him, to stop being a problem, to stop facing his own demons. It’s exhausting to smile while inside you are just falling apart.

“Just nightmares, it’s nothing” Bucky says bluntly, avoiding Steve’s eyes.

“Buck, I swear to God…” he sighs, finally managing to make an eye contact. “It is not “nothing”!”

“Yeah, yeah…” he mumbles with dissapproval, letting himself drown in this blue gaze of Steve. They remain like that in complete silent for some time but then Bucky suddenly turns around, murmuring quick “G’night, Stevie”

“Ehh, goodnight Buck” he answers with resignation, wrapping his arms around the other’s one waist.

Time is slowly passing by and when they both are really close to fall asleep, a weak whisper can be heard: “Steve, I don’t want to be alone”

Strong arms hugging him even tighter from behind, soft voice reaching Buck’s ear: “You won’t be, I promise. I’ll always be with you”

Easier said than done but he doesn’t say that, letting them both peacefully return to Morpheus’ kingdom.

 

* * *

 

 

“What are you doing?” a lead stops touching a piece of paper, hand stock-still in the middle of creating smooth lines. 

He’s doing it out of habit, again. Drawing him to calm himself, to let his feelings go somewhere outside. It’s been almost a month since this strange custom had come back and, what’s funny, he couldn’t complain that much.

“Um, sketching?” voice innocent, his sketchbook and pencil put aside.

“Again?” an eyebrow rises and a single sigh escapes his mouth. “Do you really have so little other things to draw?”

“No, I just got at mine old place, you know” a small smile showing on his face only to disappear few second later. “Remember how I used to draw you each possible moment when we were kids?”

“Yeah, you really had nothing better to do, did you?” a tinge of mischievousness quite easy to find, a shadow of smile playing inside those blue eyes.

“Oh, I was drawing you so often because you genuinely liked it” Steve answers with a playful tone, approaching the other one. “You used to smile each time, remember?”

“Yeah…” Bucky lowers his head, trying to avoid this both warm and worried look of Steve.

Of course he’s right. Of course he used to smile like a stupid dork whenever that asthmatic blond was showing him those small masterpieces. They were children, they were carefree as much as they could with poverty keeking each day from behind the corner. Those were good days but they are gone now, as almost everything in Bucky’s life. 

Except Steve.

“Bucky, I just want to see you smile…” he suddenly says, sitting vis-à-vis him. “I miss it, you know?”

“You’re seriously an idiot, you know?” a bright yet short smile shows up on his face, making Steve smile as well.

They both know it is not that easy to overcome demons of the past and forget what was bad or just sad. They are aware one quick beam doesn’t make a difference.

 However, at that moment inside the cozy flat in Brooklyn, deep inside they are feeling as if they were again little kids, too young to bother about anything else than the other one. 

A tiny ray of shine in a cloudy life.

 


End file.
